"Will you sleep with us again tonight?!"

Sorry, my thoughts are all over the place...

Before I tell you about one of the coolest days since being in Peru, let me tell you what I look like right now. My entire hair is in corn rows (yes, I look like a gangster), I have vomit on my shirt, my feet are black, my eyes can barely stay open, I had the greatest day ever (every day is better than the last), 60 children gave me 200 hugs, I was peed on, took a 4 year old to Mass for the first time, danced in the rain, was called "Mami Cristina" 4,000 times, RECEIVED AND GAVE SO MUCH LOVE :] life is amazing.

Thursday night and Friday. 

Since I arrived at the Hogar, I've had this odd obsession wondering what it would be like being a patient here. The children have explained to me how different it is being a volunteer than being a patient. I knew it would take time to form relationships with the children before I could be a "patient for a day" and after 7 months...I finally did it. 

My night started on Thursday when I decided I was going to sleep in the same room (15X15) with 24 girls. Crazy? Just a little. It took 30 minutes to figure out who I could sleep with because of skin disorders, contagious diseases, lice and who wets the bed. We finally decided I could sleep with Evelyn, my goddaughter on the bottom bunk. I brought down my blanket, pillow, stuffed animal and retainer. The girls thought my small, wire retainer was the most fascinating contraption ever even though they have huge metal hardware in their legs to grow their bones? Hahahaha :] Bed time is at 9 pm sharp. The Doctor makes his way up the stairs screaming at the little boys, checking to make sure everyone is in their beds, medication has been taken, school uniforms are ready for Friday morning and to give hugs to those that are waiting to say good night. He peeped his head in the girls room to say goodnight when I yelled out in Spanish, "Good night Doctor Tony. See you tomorrow!" Laughter erupted ;]

I don't think I can even explain what happened next without shedding a few tears. After the Doctor went upstairs, God was fully present in that tiny, hot room. The remaining 15-20 girls who were still awake said prayers together. Paulina opened with the sign of the cross and all followed with an Our Father and Hail of Mary. Each girl, in no specific order, prays out loud to God. I heard things within that 20 minutes that have literally changed my soul. The girls prayed for their Mom's and Dad's, brother's and sister's, friends and enemies. They asked for help with school work and relationships. They prayed that their families would have enough food to eat, siblings wouldn't go hungry, no earthquakes or floods and that God would keep violence out of their lives. Finally the girls prayed for their health. The reason for being at the Hogar in the first place...comes after their families, safety and protection. Violeta lead the final prayer thanking God for the Doctor, the Home and the gift of life. I cried myself to sleep knowing these incredible girls, my daughters, my best friends and my inspirations do this every single night. 

I didn't really sleep, it was so hot in that room! With 24 girls, I think everything happened. Aracely slept talked, Lidia snored like an old man, Flor was coughing up a lung, Julia went to the bathroom at least 4 times and shook the bed...Oh it was fun! To make sure everyone has enough time to shower, change clothes, get ready for school and hospital appointments, clean the room and help the youngest children... WE WOKE UP AT 3:45 AM. YES 3:45 AM. This happens every single day at 3:45 AM. ONE MORE TIME....3:45 AM. 

It was mayhem until 6:15 am when the children head downstairs. It's hard to even imagine what the morning is like...kids screaming, crying, yelling, laughing, moaning, shower constantly running, clothes being thrown, hair braiding, melt-downs, missing socks, doorbell ringing, cleaning. This routine has been happening for the last 17 years. It was insane! I give the girls, the nurses and the Doctor so much credit. I thought it was hard living with my sister, but living with 23 other girls...oh my gosh! The girls are so great with each other though. They all may have petty fights during the day but as Evelyn said to me, "At the end of the day, we're family. We don't just eat, sleep and live together. We experience each other's sadness, happiness, tears, health problems and break-ups together. That's why we pray together at night. We're sisters and we are lucky to have a Mom like you." I'm a Mom. Wow. 

After morning mayhem, I sat down and ate breakfast with the children. The doctor came around and served bread which he treated me like any other patient, asking me how many pieces I wanted. I quickly realized why there is so much whispering at the tables. I hate cheese (the kids eat a small piece of white cheese every morning) so I traded cheese for someone's milk. Once you have finished, you say thank you to the Mamitas and the Doctor and ask what chore you can do...sweeping the dining room, living room, second floor, patio, sidewalk or cleaning off the tables. 

Lunch and Dinner have the same routine except I realized it was Friday. Fish Friday. YUCK! I hate the fried fish here and as a volunteer, I can choose not to eat it. But as a patient, you have to eat what you are given. I traded my fish and potatoes for salad and more rice. I give the kids so much credit because for the most part, no one ever complains about meal time. 

A small van picks the kids up for school, so in the afternoon I went to drop off the older kids at school and then rode with the driver to pick up the younger kids. I went in to secondary school (the equivalent of high school) Felipe Santiago Estenos. My kids are so well behaved compared to other children as they  walked right in to class and pulled out their notebooks. The younger children came running and screaming towards the van when they saw I was inside! Hugs and kisses were exchanged and we headed back home. 

My day as a patient was incredible. I am so glad that I got to experience a little bit of what they feel every day. The kids were amazed that I kept up with the routine and followed all the rules just like any other child. An 8 year old, Aracely, asked me at the end of the day how my day was. I said it was good and told her all about it. She then thanked me. She said, "Thank you for doing that. A lot of volunteers come for just a week and don't really understand what it's like living here. You don't actually know what someone's life is like unless you actually try living it. Will you sleep with us again tonight?"

Every girl has asked me at least 20 times when the next time I will sleep with them is....precious!

So, to end this post...I will say this. What I am experiencing here isn't just happiness. It's not just a home where children receive medical treatment. There aren't just 60 children that I've come to know. These 60 children are my children. Their tears are my tears and my laughter is their laughter. It's not a house, but a home full of faith. It's not vomit, pee or poop but a chance to show compassion. I'm not just a volunteer, I'm a Mom. It's love. It's life. They are the love of my life :] And I wouldn't have it any other way...

-Teaner :]

Happiness Project Update! Lizbeth :]

Who knew a six year old could complete my happiness project?

Her eyes beam with love as she hobbles down the stairs in the morning. By 8 am she's covered in dirt, toothpaste in her hair and her pants tucked into her underwear. She may fall at least 50 times a day, but I have never seen her once cry. Her laugh echoes through the house and everyone knows it's "abuelita". She loves lollipops, grapes, mangoes, fried rice, apples and Cheetos. Her tiny hands are black at the end of the day and when she touches my face, I cringe.  She kisses me goodnight and is the only person in all of Peru that can say my name correctly. Lizbeth just turned six years old and has taught me more about life than anyone I have ever known. 

1. Be Present

It doesn't matter to Lizbeth if we are swinging on the swings in the park, sharing an apple on the bus ride home from Lima or taking a nap on the couch...she just loves the company. Some of my favorite memories from my adventure aren't big moments, they are simple things that mean so much to these kids. Although she would love a huge bag of lollipops or cheetos (we were destined to be friends with our cheeto obsession) she also loves just snuggling on the couch after a long day. 

2. Smile at Strangers 

Lizbeth is the epitome of a nosey child. She loves to be in everyone's business especially strangers. On the bus, she will start a conversation with anyone because she likes their shirt, has the same shoes, wonders where they are going and to tell them she likes their nail polish. I've always been one to smile at strangers but never to make an actual conversation...Lizbeth has taught me different.

3. Trust My Friends

The background of my computer is me and my two best friends, Lizzy and Ellen. Anytime my computer opens, Lizbeth points out which one is Lizzy and which is Ellen telling me a little bit about both of them. "Lizbeth (as she calls Lizzy) is your best friend, you have known her for 14 years. You two look like twins. She has a black dog. She loves photos and art." "Ellen has freckles. Her mom is your godmother just like you are Evelyn's godmother." I think Lizbeth has told me these details at least 80 times but I love when she tells me. It's an incredible reminder from a 6 year old why I am here. Without my friends and family I wouldn't have met a little girl that has changed my life forever. 

4. Pursue my Passion 

I was the kid in grade school who truly believed I could change the world. Most thought I was crazy (most still think I am) but I wouldn't be where I am now without a lot of faith and finding my passion early on. Waking up every morning to Lizbeth's breathless voice yelling, "Christine! Christine! Come here" wouldn't be possible without believing I can change the world even if it's only one 6 year old at a time. 

5. Live with Integrity

Everyone knows the Doctor is a stern man always trying to keep order and no one knows that better than the kids. Lizbeth is the first kid to own up to every mess and broken item. It seems impossible to learn from a 6 year old how to live with integrity...but every glass of spilled milk can be cleaned up and refilled with the right sense of self and ownership. 

6. Be Kind

I've always tried to live by the saying, "kill em with kindness" and it is a lot harder to do than say. Most children develop a bratty side when they hit Lizbeth's age, but not her. Lizbeth is kind to everyone all the time. She has a way of being friends with everyone and when she wants to say something mean, she bites her tongue. 

7. Come from Love

Although I rarely say it, living with 60 children, 27 staff members, numerous volunteers and the Doctor is hard at times. The only alone time I can find is a quiet walk in the morning after breakfast or a trip to Carlos' corner store for a beso (a marshmallow treat with graham cracker and chocolate). I have an incredible amount of patience...but sometimes it's difficult with 20 kids hanging on your leg and arms when trying to eat or when 4 kids ask you for 4 different things at the same time. Lizbeth is always calling me over to tell me something trivial but to her it may be the most important thing in the world. I think that is what makes all the difference to these kids...being there for them whether it's something big or small. They appreciate every moment you spend with them. Even if I feel like I am on my last ounce of patience, I remind myself to come from love. It's with love that we can overcome our darkest fears and achieve our greatest dreams.

8. Expect a Miracle 

When I arrived at the Hogar almost 6 months ago, Lizbeth was walking poorly with 2 crutches. She would fall every 5th step and couldn't go up the stairs by herself. Six months later...Lizbeth is walking with one crutch and will soon be switched to a cane. She insists on going up and down the stairs by herself. With surgery, therapy and a lot of prayers...Lizbeth is a miracle. Every time my faith is being tested and I question my decision about staying longer, I simply look at Lizbeth. This incredible little girl has reached milestones right before my eyes. Miracles really do happen when you believe :]

9. Lighten Up

Before coming to Peru, most would describe me as a little up-tight (alright, a lot up tight). I think I finally decided in May of last year that I am only given one life to live, so why not live a little. As if jumping on a plane to South America wasn't crazy enough, I have decided to commit another year here at the Hogar. Every single day I am reminded to live a little whether it's playing a practical joke on the Doctor, being tickled to death by 10 kids, getting my ears double pierced with a needle and apple or just laughing so hard my face turns blue. 

10. Strive for Compassion

I've fallen in love with these children so much that it's hard to get me out of the house for a little while. I've become so close with the children that when one of them is having a bad day they ask for me, when one of them is crying they fall into my arms for consoling and when someone has had a great day they tell me every detail. Especially with Lizbeth, I've learned that if she's crying about something...all she wants is to fall asleep in my arms feeling the warmth of my heart. 

11. Eliminate the Negative

Lizbeth asked me one day in church if I was Catholic. I said yes and asked if she was. She shrugged her shoulders and said she didn't really know but she prays before meals and at night and loves every day. What a great answer. Praying and loving is what this 6 year old calls her religion. I couldn't agree more. I try and have a little more faith and show a little more love every single day because every day is a gift.

12. Make Footprints

Her feet are small and oddly shaped but Lizbeth knows the importance of her footprint more than anyone. Only two years ago, she was completely immobile. And now every step she takes is a miracle. Lizbeth's feet may be small but she has left giant footprints on my heart. I've tried to make footprints wherever I go, at St. Columban, Mount Notre Dame, Fordham University with my friends and with my family. As one of my high school teachers told me in December, "Don't think about your adventure in Peru in terms of time. Think about the children, the country and the Home in terms of moments. You will know when the time is to leave. When your heart is full and you are ready to give back the blessings the Home has given you, you can move on to whatever is next. For every footprint you leave, you will have given so much love. Create happiness and leave happiness. If you do that, you're going to have something special."

Obviously this post is dedicated to Lizbeth, but more importantly to anyone who is struggling to find happiness in their life. I sat down on a Saturday night with my best friend, Lizzy (ironic that my best friend and my favorite kid have the same name?) and made my list of commandments. 12 things I wanted to improve on that have guided my journey and brought me back to the purest place in my heart. If I had to give advice to anyone about their happiness journey, I would say one thing. Don't ignore a whisper. Don't ignore your dream that lies dormant in your heart. Do what makes you happy and follow your dreams. I wouldn't be here with Lizbeth and 60 other children without listening to a crazy whisper. Listen, Go and Love with all your heart. 

Ps. Lizbeth went home today :[ She was sooo incredibly excited to see her Dad and her sisters. Her Dad came to pick her up and told me all about when Lizbeth came and how she couldn't even move her legs. What progress! I was crying when I gave her one last hug and kiss and she said to me, "Don't worry, I'll pray just like the Doctor does before meals and before bed. I won't lose my glasses and I'll teach my sisters how to brush their teeth. I love you and I'll see you soon." Lizbeth will return in 6 months for a checkup!


LOVE YOU LIZBETH!!!!!! :] AND MISS YOU!