Now comes the hard part...trust, honesty and a lot of faith

These last few days have been wonderful! I have hung out with some really great friends, been working at a place I love and just "livin' life".

Not only do I have an amazing friend group, but I have so many friends outside of my usual group that are simply wonderful. Elizabeth and Ellen, the LMF (low maintenance friends) as we like to call ourselves, are amazing friends! We don't hang out all the time or know everything about each other's current lives, but none of that matters. When we are together, everything just feels right. The three of us have been friends since the second grade and I couldn't imagine having friends better than them. The LMF part is probably the coolest part hahaha :] because we don't need to talk all the time, hang out or tell one another every single detail. Plus, we all have separate core friend groups, so there is no drama...ever!

The Fab 5 finally reunited the other night and things are back to where we left off last summer. Yes, things have changed, people have changed and life is always changing...but the reason I am friends with these amazing girls remains constant. Carolyn's stories are still laughably long, Sarah falls asleep because she works 100 hours, Ash is still sweet and upbeat and Gabrielle laughs at everything....things are pretty much the same as we left them last August :) It's cool to have friends like the Fab 5 that are so accepting, kind, compassionate and fun. I can't wait for a summer filled with pictures, ice blocking, laser tag, dinners and fun! LOVE YOU GIRLS :]

After a wonderful time hanging out with great friends, reality sets back in. I still have a lot to do.  The biggest thing I am putting off right now, is telling my roommate from last year and this coming year that I am no longer returning to Fordham. Seems easy and like I have waited so long to tell her, but I cannot explain how much I respect her. My roommate and I experienced so much with each other this past year that she feels like a life long friend. We overcame death, hatred, family issues, moving, academic issues and so much more that telling her I won't be right beside her next year...kills me. She was a wonderful roommate and if I have any regrets about my decision to move on to a new plan, it's her. I have to tell her and my two other amazing suitemates I will not be returning within the next week, and I don't know how it is going to go :/ I know she will be upset, but I have to keep telling myself that it is not my fault. I had  no control over the situation and this is just how it is. I am so deeply sorry that I have to hurt her but I have already waited to long and need to fill her in. Trust, honesty and a lot of faith will be need over the next week and I hope things work out okay. Breezie, Carly and especially Amanda...I love you girls so much and I am sorry this is the way it had to happen. I wish you only the best the next 3 years at Fordham and I know you will do amazing things!! Winner Chicken Dinner 4 Lyfeeeee.

7 Weeks and 6 days until I make my journey to Peru to volunteer for 9 months....and I couldn't be more excited! It feels really good to be living out my dream and living a life of service to others! CAN'T WAIT :]

Ticket purchased and I'm on my way :]

I couldn't be happier right now. My life long dream is finally coming true. I am officially going to Peru for 9 months starting August 29th and returning May 7th!!!!!!!!!!


Doing this, is the weirdest feeling ever. Never in my life have I felt so great about a decision and as my friend Gabrielle said to me tonight, "Everything happens for a reason...I really do believe that." So true. If I hadn't faced such adversity with my Dad, if I hadn't left Fordham and if I hadn't finally taken a risk...none of this would be possible. Everything really did happen for a reason and it feels amazing :] 


Let me explain what I will be doing for 9 months in Peru. I will be volunteering in the city of Huancayo, about 7 hours east of Lima. Monday thru Friday I will be teaching at a mountain school with an organization called Tinkuy Peru. I will be teaching children English, Math, Reading, Writing and History with an emphasis on basic English. On Saturday's I will be given the opportunity to visit waterfalls, caves, forests, ruins and beaches all around the country. Sunday is a true day of rest in Huancayo and before nightfall, markets line the streets for people to buy produce, meat and other goods. I will be staying in a volunteer home with the director of Tinkuy Peru, Tino, and his family. I honestly can't believe I will be living in Peru for the next 9 months, it is a real dream come true. 


If anyone would have told me back at the start of my freshman year at Fordham, that in one year I would be volunteering in Peru...I seriously would have died of laughter. Dreams like this don't come along all the time, so I jumped on it. I have heard positive and negative input from many, but the common denominator among all contributors is that this is the time to do it. As I have pondered for many months, Why wait? Why not achieve my dreams now? What the hell am I waiting for? I am now no longer waiting. 


I am honestly sick of planning. I have tried to plan my entire life out since I was very young, and look how far that got me. I planned on going to Columbia University, being a cardiothoracic surgeon, being a part of Doctors Without Borders and marrying a fellow Doctor. HA. Obviously none of this went as "planned" and I am currently doing something drastically different. So, the planning stops now. I bought my plane ticket last night, with my best friend by my side, and that's it. As of right now, I am going to volunteer...but beyond that I am not planning. I can't spend any more time worrying about the future, because plans are always changing. I am always changing. Will I be going to school when I return? Yes, that is what I hope to be doing, but planning what school, when I will apply and where I will be accepted is out of my hands. For now, I am a volunteer and I couldn't be happier with that decision. 


As I prepare for my departure on August 29th, a lot of emotions will be running through my bones. Happiness of course, but I will be sad to leave my friends and family, anxious for the trip, nervous to see where I am staying, excited to teach and I will be extremely grateful for this amazing opportunity. 


So, as of right now...life is good (really good) and I am taking things into my own hands, making my own decisions and taking the biggest risk of my life! CHEERS :]

But the search ends here,
Where the night is totally clear.
And your heart is fierce,
So now you finally know that you control where you go
You can steer.

The Sisterhood of the Traveling [[Quilt]]

You know your life is pretty lame when you just watched 4.5 hours of The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants on Lifetime (and cried through half of it). The relevance of this movie in my current life, is scary. No, my friends and I don't have lovers, pregnancy scares, new fathers or pants that fit us all perfectly...but we do have a quilt. 

The summer before the 5 of us all left for college, we made a quilt that we would send each other every 3 weeks. The quilt was compiled with our own piece of fabric, our name and a pocket for the letters we would send each other. Inspired by the book/movie, The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants, the fab 5 (as we called our group) went away for college at 5 different schools. The summer before we all left, was the best summer I have ever had. Filled with movies, canoeing, car rides, dinners, childhood games, laser tag, a secret handshake and of course laughter...I thought nothing could come between us. Our last night together was spent just like the rest of them, at Gabrielle's house, and we said goodbye the morning of August 10th, 2010. Our 5 lives mirror the movie in ways I can't describe. I wish this summer would be as good and better as the last, but things have changed...I have changed. 

The 5 of us vowed to keep in contact as best as we could by implementing a "Sunday Night Skype" as we called it where we all tried to skype every Sunday night at 10 pm. It's hard to tell if this skype night actually brought us closer together or farther apart. In the first few months, we learned so much about the other 4 friends, but as time went on our time to talk became shorter and shorter and long winded stories were replaced by "I had an overall good week." Just like Tibby, Lena, Carmen and Bridget had their friendship tested after going separate ways, I hope and pray the fab 5 can pass the test. I love Sarah, Ashley, Gabrielle and Carolyn more than anything and I hope that as we change our friendship grows and deepens. I wish the quilt was just like the pants and fit all of us perfectly even when we are constantly changing, but our friendship is not represented by a stupid quilt. Our friendship spans many years (some of the greatest years of my life) and even if the quilt doesn't represent who we are as friends anymore...our hearts will always feel the same love for one another. 

I don't know why the friendship with these 4 girls is different than my friendship with my best friend Elizabeth or Chelsea and Megan. With Elizabeth, everything just falls right back together like we never were apart and no matter how different Chels and Meg are from me, we remain close and have a strong, beautiful friendship. More now than ever, I need true friends standing by my side as I make a life changing decision. I am not an insecure person on any level, but leaving for the year without all of these girls right next to me, scares me. I pray with all of my heart that no matter how much we change and grow, our love is constant always remains present. 

To the FAB 5: You girls are the most amazing thing that has ever happened to me, and I hope this summer is one to remember no matter what has happened in the last year. We may have heard all of the stories or none of them, we may have changed or stayed exactly the same, if our hair has just grown out or been dyed 5 different colors, if we gained the freshman 15 or can still fit in pants from senior year, if we had a 4.0 GPA or struggled to get B's, if we had the greatest year of our lives or the hardest.....we will always be friends and the love will always be there. love you girls forever and ever. 

Here I Goooo.... (Almost)

Today I received an amazing, unexpected gift from my Mom. I am such a sentimental person that any quote, plaque, lyric or poem can bring me to tears. She gave me the perfect gift today and it is one that is so relevant to my final decision. The gift was a hanging wall box that has a quote on the front. The quote reads, "HUMANITY. If you planted hope today in any hopeless heart, if someone's burden was lighter because you did your part, if you caused a laugh that chased a tear away, if tonight your name is mentioned when someone kneels to pray, then your day was well spent." New favorite quote right there :)

This gift and quote made me realize a few things today. As much as I want to have the life I always planned to, things sometimes don't work out. Life is all about reevaluating and this is definitely one of those times. From a very young age, I made it a personal goal to always try and live my life for others. Of course going to school and getting my degree is important, but more importantly I want to keep my childhood goal. Taking a risk and living my life for others for a school year is not just what I want to do, but what I am meant to do. Why not begin living my dream life, now? Why Wait? Before life starts to get in the way, if I marry or have kids or a real job, why not start living now? WHAT AM I WAITING FOR? I won't be able to change the lives of many or the world if I am not proactive. I need to be in the center helping others, and my final decision certainly reflects that. I want to go to bed every night knowing I made a difference in someone's life and knowing my "day was well spent". 

Things are in motion for my adventure and I am beyond excited. When I think about telling people about this, I feel giddy. Ready and willing to look and find adventure, I am slowly but surely on my way to a great year in a new place. Things are falling into place and I am living out my dream. The minute I press "confirm" for my plane ticket, my best friend will be by my side and I will just have taken the biggest risk of my life! WISH ME LUCK :)

Finally Living My Life :)

I have started saying..."I will be doing this next year and when I do this..." and gosh it feels good. I have made a tentative final decision about what I am doing next year, and I couldn't be happier. I am finally living out a dream that has been put on the back burner for years and I feel amazing. You know that feeling you get when you are about to start out on a new adventure? Well, my heart is racing with excitement.


One of my favorite songs, that has always been a favorite, is Colin Hay's, Waiting For My Real Life to Begin. I have always been oddly annoyed by the expectations of society and how to pursue a dream. Not that college isn't right for me, because it totally is...but why can't I live my life the way I want to live?? I don't see anything wrong with the Peace Corps, a gap year or reevaluating decisions. Society pressures youth to complete high school, college, start a career, get married, have kids, retire and die. WHERE IS THE FUN IN THAT?! After having a "falling out" with my Dad and not being able to return to my dream school, I realize that this is kind of what I have always wanted. I have always wanted to jump off the beaten path and create my own path. One of my closest friends has always said, that good things fall apart so better ones can come together. Yes, I am still devastated and will always be about the loss of Fordham University from my plan, but I couldn't be happier with this new path and plan. I guess you could say I am finally starting my real life as Colin Hay puts it. I am no longer waiting for my real life to begin, I am finally living it out! Pretty cool if you ask me :)


Not many people know about this plan, so that is why I am keeping it on the DL haha...but once more plans are finalized, I will definitely share everything!


Can't wait for this next chapter of my life to begin and experience so many new adventures!