People say that one year can change everything. People change. Things change. Lives change. And mine sure has...
One year ago, I got on a plane to Peru not knowing anything. Looking back now, what a crazy thing I did. I boarded that plane not knowing a thing about Peru let alone South America, I didn't know the language, I was unsure of where I would be staying...I was alone. But I did it anyway. Within this past year...I fell in love. I fell in love with a country full of culture. The sights, the sounds and the food (yes, even the food) I have become accustomed to. The language is natural and the people, well they're my family.
But most of all, I have fallen in love with a home full of children that amaze me day after day. Day to day life that makes me giddy inside, smile ear to ear and wear my heart on my sleeve. It truly is love. At the beginning of my journey, I never thought I would want to spend the rest of my life in the country I first despised. But now, I have found my calling. It's not something I want, need or have to do. My journey, which I have now made a life commitment to, is a calling from God.
And within one year...everything came crashing down. I'm at a loss of words even writing about her.
My Mom. A woman who has faced every obstacle and challenge in her life with a fight, has been diagnosed with a rare form of cancer. My heart stopped when she told me over the phone from the hospital all the way to Peru. My knees buckled and I stayed up all night with the nurses crying about the news she reluctantly told me. The incredible year I was having, was now over. Life as I knew it...over. As I gathered my thoughts and feelings, I could only think about one thing. This makes sense.
My Mom, Julie, has been preparing me for a moment like this...my whole life. She taught me when I was little to enjoy the time we are given. Eat dessert first. Go to concerts. Take a mental health day. Eat good food. Travel. Spend time with your kids. Sing. Buy expensive things. Lay on the beach. Don't let others dictate your life. Be passionate. Follow your heart. Pay it forward. Learn to cook.
The list goes on and on...
And this is what my Mom and I have done for the last 20 years of my life. Being diagnosed with cancer is not a death sentence for my mom or my family. She could very well lose her battle with the disease or she could kick it in the ass...we have no way of knowing yet. But either way, My Mom and I have lived an incredible life. I am so thankful for being granted 20 seemingly endless years with her. What an honor. And for right now, I can do nothing else except be there for her. I can make her laugh and smile, we can cry together and we can be as strong as we possibly can. That's it. There's no point in guessing, we just need to live day by day enjoying each other's company.
My mom wrote me a letter before my adventure in August of 2011. She wrote,
"Christine, don't fret about what will happen next year. Everything will fall into place. Just live and be present every single day you are in Peru. Life is all about taking risks even if it means creating your own path. You know I love you." -Mom
Some people are questioning my reaction and emotions during the initial process of her treatment. I have always been a realist. My initial reaction? Tears, and lots of them. I cried to the nurses (the nurses are like my second moms in Peru) all night. After my initial reaction? What can I do for my mom. How can I help her. If she were to refuse treatment, I can only respect her decision. Just like my Mom...I am not afraid of dying. If she were to die, of course I would be upset. But more than upset, I would be thankful for her existence. I can't continue to cry about the unknowns. We need to take each day one by one and accept the challenges and triumphs as they come. As my Mom has told me, having an outlet of talking to others is essential. Which is what I have been doing. I communicate with the nurses, Doctor and my children from Peru daily. She also told me that this experience will also rely a lot on your inner self. I shouldn't be afraid. I shouldn't be worried. I am only grateful for years past and hopeful for her fight against this cancer.
As for me, well leaving Peru is a scenario I never imagined. I have committed endless years at the Home with my children and couldn't be more excited. After returning home unexpectedly, I am experiencing extreme culture shock and most of my communication is still in Spanish with those back in Peru. Of course, I was devastated leaving Peru. But, this is something I need to do. My Mom has incredible friends that will be such an essential part of her fight, but nothing comes close to fighting this than with family. Whether we win or lose her battle with cancer, I will make my way back home...to Peru.
What an incredible year. Within one year, I have accomplished things I would have never thought possible. And now, I am home with my Mom to accompany her on a journey we have never ventured. We can only hope for the best and pray to overcome struggle. And always, eat dessert first. That's what life is all about :]
With much love,
Teaner
Dear Christine,
ReplyDeleteYou are even more amazing than I realized! You know so much for one so young. Your mother has taught you well. It usually takes a lifetime to learn what you've learned. We pray for you and your mom every day. Please keep up with your blog. We need to know how you're both doing.
Love,
Jolley & David
<3
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